Ignjac Tomicic – Naca
Gotovo u neznanju opisao sam kako je moj životni saputnik otišao u bezvremenost.
Po inerciji, ili vođen nekom višom silom i voljom zapisao sam sjećanje o tome kako smo se sreli.
U otadžbini, dok sam završavao njene ovozemaljske poslove, zastadoh 07. oktobra, 2017. na mjestu gdje smo se nekad volili, u Delibatskoj Peščari , i po živom sjećanju na upokojenu suprugu, zapitah se jednog jutra dok je sunce podizalo sumaglicu
Almost without knowing it, I described how my life companion had passed into timelessness.
By inertia, or guided by some higher power and will, I wrote down the memory of how we met.
In my homeland, while I was finishing her earthly affairs, I stopped on October 7, 2017 at the place where we once loved each other, in Delibatska Peščara, and in the vivid memory of my deceased wife, I wondered one morning as the sun lifted the mist
IMA LI LJUBAV KRAJ
Dok se nemirno tlo izmiče i izšarano nebo savija,
tvoj blaženi osmjeh nada mnom se nadvija.
Otišla si spokojno u dubine bezvremena,
da te volim u čarobnom lancu uspomena.
“Vidje li ikad šareno sunce?”
“Ne. A ti duginih boja mjesece?”,
razmjenismo riječi, tako davno a kao juče.
Vrijeme stade. U ljubavi ono ne teče.
Prsten ti stavih na prst prstenaš.
Uzvrati mi, pa nam očita se bračni Očenaš.
Volite se! Volismo se kao drugi niko.
Živite srećno! Djelismo život jednako.
I u dobru i u zlu. Davasmo sebe svom drugu.
Množite se! Rodi ti nama našu drugu.
Na utabanim stazama, našim koracima,
Izgradismo medenu košnicu u oblacima.
Ljubio sam te u njoj zdravu, bolesnu, i cijelu,
uz samopoštovanja, najzdraviju hranu duši i tijelu.
Plesali smo, plesali uz akorde mirne,
toliko da ti djevojačke snove dirne.
Od prvog trena, matica, gospodarica svega si bila,
dok se moja sreća iza tvog jutarnjeg osmjeha krila.
Tvoje bajkovito tijelo, drugačije od ostalih,
učini da se kao tvoj ručni štap ponosno ostvarih.
Dok si lebdila oko mene, kroz život smo prošli,
i kao pčelice kroz bršljen, cvijetni polen kupili.
Odoljevajući zavisti i pohlepi, i svojoj i tuđoj,
branili smo, naših snova, tajanstveni spokoj.
Starost dođe, prije no shvatismo, jaoj,
“Zašto me dovede ovdje?” upita me na postelji zadnjoj.
Otišla si mirno u dubine bezvremena,
da te volim u čarobnom lancu uspomena.
DOES LOVE HAVE AN END
As the restless ground slips and the speckled sky bends,
your blissful smile towers over me.
You went peacefully into the depths of timelessness,
to love you in a magical chain of memories.
“Have you ever seen a colorful sun?”
“No. And you rainbow-colored moon?”,
we exchanged words, so long ago but like yesterday.
Time stops. In love it does not flow.
I put a ring on your ring finger.
Reciprocate, and the Lord’s Prayer is read to us.
Love each other! We love each other like no other.
Live happily! We share life equally.
For better or for worse. We give ourselves to our friend.
Multiply yourself! You gave birth to our second.
On the beaten track, our steps,
Let’s build a honey beehive in the clouds.
I loved you in her healthy, sick, and whole,
with self-respect, the healthiest food for soul and body.
We danced, danced to the chords of peace,
so much so that it touches your girlish dreams.
From the first moment, mother, you were the mistress of everything,
while my happiness was hiding behind your morning smile.
Your fairy body, different from others,
make me proudly come true as your hand staff.
While you hovered around me, we went through life,
and like bees through ivy, flower pollen bought.
Resisting envy and greed, both your own and others’,
we defended, of our dreams, the mysterious tranquility.
Old age comes before we know it, alas,
“Why did you bring me here?” he asked me on the last bed.
You went peacefully into the depths of timelessness,
to love you in a magical chain of memories.
Zašto ovo trebam napisati?
Po povratku u naš zadnji dom, u procesu traženja smisla nastavka života, vođen oped nevidljivom rukom, prvo završih njenu internet stranicu sa slikama koje je sa uživanjem uradila i pri tome za svaku me pitala ‘Šta misliš… ?’, tako da sam svaku, više 300, preživio ponovo postavljajući ih na internet.
Radeći to oživljavao sam ju, produžavao naš zajednički život. U isto vrijeme pozdravljao sam se sa njom ostavljajući zapisano da je postojala.
Zamisao da pokušam da napišem, što sam nazvao ‘Naša obična priča’, postalo je odluka.
Počeo sam da pišem kao dnevnik sjećanja.
Shvatio sam takođe da je ovo pisanije i dio procesa, prilagođavanja poslije Mirinog odlaska, povratka samopouzdanja i samopoštovanja. Skoro svaka rečenica je zalivena nezaustavljivim suzama.
A onda sam pomislio da možda treba da to pokušam da podignem na neki drugi nivo, jer ima mnogo toga što je bilo u našem životu, što ima simbolička značenja i što može potrajati kao model ili poruka.
Naš život je bio dovoljno zanimljiv da pisanje ne traži nikakva izmišljanja ili dodavanja. Samo biram što mislim da je važno. Da zapišem sve siguran sam da nemam vremena.
Poslije svakog napisanog poglavlja osjećam olakšanje. Život Mirin i moj, bio je takav kakav je bio. Događao se u uslovima kakvi su bili svakoga dana.
Mi smo prolazili kroz njega vođeni odgojem, znanjem i snagom naših ličnosti, ostajući svako svoj, a istovremeno stapajući te dvije ličnosti u jednu osobu sa jedistvenim vrijednostima, do kraja srastajući u jedno biće, jačali, i svako za sebe i zajednički, toliko da prođemo mnogo životnih iskušenja, i uvijek poslije proživimo periode slasti istinske tihe sreće.
Nismo razmišljali od doživljavanju života, o empatijama, ili o percepcijama.
Oboje smo nastojali da svako, svakog dana, obavi ono što se, iako neizgovoreno, od njega očekuje, odnosno da se živi prirodno i normalno.
Živjeli smo samo nastojeći da jedno drugom održimo samopoštovanje, da mu učinimo dan sigurnim, podnošljivim, i po mogućnosti lijepim.
Pišući o tome, iako nastojim da se držim samo istine i činjenica, ja u stvari prvi put doživljavam Naš život kroz “Našu običnu priču”.
Želja, koja mi daje smisao trajanja, je da zabilježim zajednički proživljeno od 02. maja, 1970. do 14. juna, 2017.
Napisao sam listu od nešto preko 400 tema, a potom ih vremenski grupisao:
Prvi tom: do oktobra 1981., datuma kada je Mira ponovo prohodala. (obuhvaćeno ovom knjigom koja je pred Vama).
Drugi tom: do 22. avgusta 1992., dana uspješnog izlaska iz Sarajeva – koncentracionog logora pod zaštitom takozvanih mirovnih snaga UN, protjerani i potpuno opljačkani od sugrađana.
Treći tom: do večeri 14. juna, 2017., kada sam se vratio u stan poslije sahrane i daće – podušja Miri.
Molim Boga da mi da vremena da završim.
Napomena: DRUGI TOM SE MOŽE OČEKIVATI POČETKOM 1992. Ako Bog da.
Why do I need to write this?
After returning to our last home, in the process of searching for the meaning of the continuation of life, guided by an invisible hand, I first finished her website with pictures that she made with pleasure and asked me for each one ‘What do you think…?’, so I survived each one, more than 300, by putting them on the internet again.
By doing that, I was reviving her, prolonging our life together. At the same time, I said goodbye to her, leaving a note that she existed.
The idea of trying to write what I called ‘Our Ordinary Story’ became a decision.
I started writing as a memory diary.
I also realized that this writing is also part of the process of adjustment after Mira’s departure, of regaining self-confidence and self-respect. Almost every sentence is filled with unstoppable tears.
And then I thought that maybe I should try to take it to another level, because there is a lot that has been in our life, that has symbolic meanings and that can last as a model or a message.
Our life was interesting enough that the writing did not require any inventions or additions. I just choose what I think is important. I’m sure I don’t have time to write everything down.
After each written chapter I feel relief. Mira’s life and mine were as they were. It happened under conditions as they were every day.
We went through it, guided by upbringing, knowledge and the strength of our personalities, each remaining our own, and at the same time merging those two personalities into one person with unique values, growing into one being until the end, growing stronger, both for ourselves and together, so much so that we pass through many trials of life, and always afterwards experience periods of the sweetness of true quiet happiness.
We didn’t think about experiencing life, about empathy, or about perceptions.
We both tried to ensure that everyone, every day, does what is expected of them, even if unspoken, that is, to live naturally and normally.
We lived only trying to maintain each other’s self-respect, to make his day safe, tolerable, and preferably beautiful.
In writing about it, although I try to stick only to the truth and facts, I am actually experiencing Our life for the first time through “Our Ordinary Story”.
The desire, which gives me the meaning of duration, is to record what we experienced together from May 2, 1970 to June 14, 2017.
I wrote a list of just over 400 topics, and then grouped them chronologically:
Volume One: Up to October 1981, the date Mira walked again. (covered in this book before you).
Volume Two: until August 22, 1992, the day of the successful escape from Sarajevo – a concentration camp under the protection of the so-called UN peacekeeping forces, expelled and completely robbed by fellow citizens.
Volume Three: until the evening of June 14, 2017, when I returned to my apartment after the funeral and the funeral of Mira.
I pray to God to give me time to finish.
Note: THE SECOND VOLUME CAN BE EXPECTED IN BEGINNING OF 1992, God willing.